Stages of Life

Each of us, as we grow, passes through various stages, from the time we're being formed in our mother's womb, to the age of 5, to adolescence, to adulthood, to old age. We're made up of several parts that mature according to the experiences we undergo. But it turns out that not all of these parts are the same age—that is, not all of them correspond to our current age.

There are parts of us that have been lost in time, that remain children or teenagers, whether they're 3 or 5 years old, 16 years old, 25 years old, etc. Why does this happen? Because they haven't been able to mature, that is, understand the experience. They've been stuck in time, to a perspective they've been unable to escape. That's why, in adulthood, many of us, without realizing it, have childlike reactions. Or act like teenagers. We all have a bit of this. Only when we go through a developmental process do we have the opportunity to acknowledge this and help this lost part of us grow.

These trapped parts may exist since the moment we were in our mother's womb. Pregnancy itself is already a process of experience for the being that is being formed. This is where we begin to be programmed by our mother's thoughts and feelings and the world around her, as she perceives it. Not all the information we receive is genetic; another part is received through our mother's experience. Her fears and insecurities, the emotions and feelings she experiences, her perspective on the world, her thoughts, etc., are all passed on to us at this stage. The first being with whom we relate to, communicate, and establish a bond is our own mother, and it's important that this is done under good conditions. This is where we'll experience what it's like to be cared for, to be fed, to be loved, to be safe, to be heard, and to be understood. And it's with her that we'll learn to care for, to feed, to love, to provide security, to listen to, and to understand others.

Childbirth, when it happens, is the first of changes.

This is where we prepare ourselves for a major transition, and it doesn't always go smoothly. The emotions and thoughts our mother experiences at this stage are passed on to us and prepare us for how we'll face changes in our lives. It also influences how we deal with death itself, the deaths of others, and our own. Whether we face change and death with fear or with trust, acceptance, and letting ourselves flow.

In our childhood, we don't always accept well the learning process. Each parent plays a role in our lives. It's with them that we learn to receive and not receive, and this isn't always done in a balanced way. When we're born into a family, all attention is on us. We got used to receiving love through the gift of others, through their expression of love for us. But we don't always understand when something is rejected, forbidden, or denied. And this is where many of us get stuck. We don't realize this because we got used to seeing love in "giving" rather than "not giving," in the denial of something. And we go through life, growing on different levels, but that part of us that was stuck in that perspective that didn't understand, remains the same age, immature. And whenever we're denied something, we react like a child at that age, crying, throwing tantrums. What's the lesson here? It's learning to see love in the denial of something, whether by someone else or by life itself. Any denial of something harbors love within itself. We're denied something that is harmful to us or that we're not yet ready to receive. But we're so caught up in the love-giving association that we fail to understand that love-denial is also valid. Only when we realize this can we make peace with all the times we've been denied something, choosing to see love instead.

Many of us didn't experience our childhoods the best way. We were forced to grow up quickly, to take on responsibilities too early. And so, their child part remained unlived, without experiencing, without playing. They even lost touch with it. They became serious, responsible adults who struggle to live a more lighthearted and playful life and to engage in leisure activities other than work. Part of this process involves reclaiming this child, making peace with it, caring for it, loving it, and letting it express itself creatively, letting it play.

Expressing our inner child in the best way is what makes us happy and at peace with life.

It's when we have the freedom to dream, to create stories, real or not, to develop our creative side, our most spontaneous side. It's this part that many of us need to rediscover to develop our creativity, which is the driving force that allows us to overcome obstacles and see the world from a new, more optimistic perspective. It helps us focus on the present, just like when we were children, when time stood still and problems seemed non-existent, or when they did, they were easily overcome and forgotten. A good way to reclaim this part of ourselves is simply to play with children. They quickly remind us of this lost part. Only then can we temporarily forget any problems, opening the way for the more creative part of us. When this happens, any problems can be easily overcome. Our creative side is the bridge to reach a broader perspective, capable of envisioning a way out of problems. And to do this, we need to access the world of dreams, so easily available to children.

Adolescence is when we undergo several physical and psychological transformations and develop our relationships with ourselves and with a new group, outside of our family. It's when our identity is being formed. We need to discover and conquer our own space. It's the phase in which we need to discover our freedom, and therefore, being rebellious is part of the process. It's the time to question who we are before the family, the values, beliefs, and concepts we adopted from them. To realize what we want to take to our life, that we learned from our parents, and what we no longer accept being anymore. It's a process of internal revolution and is when more arguments arise within the family environment, which doesn't always accept this new facet of us. It's a process of separation, distancing ourselves from family, to discover who we are beyond it.

When this phase does not proceed in the best way, the adolescent part of us lasts longer, that is, it remains stuck in time and does not mature.

It causes us, in adulthood, to keep searching for our own freedom and independence, our own space, our own identity. We attract friendships and loving relationships with younger people who identify with that part of us that still has their age, or we may even attract people who we feel they limit and restrict our freedom.

It's crucial for parents to understand what's happening and give their children the necessary freedom to discover themselves and experience life. They shouldn't stop supporting and guiding them, but they should also give them the space to discover a new Self. Only then can they become more integrated adults, prepared for the next phase.

Adulthood is when we're ready to take on commitments and responsibilities. We're supposed to know what we want from life, what projects we want to pursue. It's the phase of building our dreams and defining strategies to achieve them. For this phase to occur in the best way, it would be good if all the previous phases were mature, assimilated, understood, and resolved. This would be in an ideal world. It's not what actually happens. Only when we accept doing internal work on ourselves and rescue those parts of ourselves lost in time, that's when it's possible to experience adulthood more fully.

In old age, we've already acquired a certain detachment and wisdom; we're supposed to look at life with a more detached and calm perspective. It's a time of appreciation for everything we've accomplished. But it can also be a time when we regret what wasn't accomplished, what was left unsaid, undone. It all depends on how you experienced the previous phases. It's a time of acceptance and inner peace with the life we're living.

The way we experience each stage will influence how we live our lives as adults and how we raise our children.

If we got stuck to the "not giving" and didn't accept this in our childhood, we probably don't allow ourselves to receive from life, from others, and many opportunities are wasted because we don't feel worthy of them, up to expectations. Or we may not know how to reject what isn't good for us because we want to receive everything from everyone. Or we may try to give everything to our children, not understanding that this will only harm them when they become adults, turning them into frustrated and dissatisfied adults.

If we got stuck in adolescence because we failed to achieve our personal freedom, we may struggle to create more intimate connections with others because we either need too much space or don't know how to give space to others. We'll propably try to be friends with our children, giving them too much freedom, making them irresponsible adults, or we don't give them enough space to discover themselves. We live in extremes, adopting one position in one situation and the opposite in another.

When we free those parts of ourselves that were stuck in time, rescue them, become aware of them, and make peace with the experience, we find the middle ground, our point of balance, our center. We find peace. Only then can we become whole and cohesive adults.

Living each of the various phases of our lives to the fullest is essential for our inner fulfillment, our success, and our inner peace. Only then can we look back and be satisfied with ourselves and our achievements. Only then can we reach our final phase and find peace with everything we've experienced.