Who am I?

"Remember who you are!" – It was a message I came across one day while walking down a street in Lisbon. It caught my attention because of its depth. Because of the difficulty I felt in answering clearly. Because of the difficulty I felt in defining myself.

Who am I? I asked myself.

We spend a big part of our life searching for ourselves. It's an unconscious search. We seek ourselves in others, in what we like, in what we identify with, in how we spend our time, in the profession we choose, etc. But when we ask ourselves this question, we rarely have an immediate answer.

All the things others say about us come to mind. You're beautiful. You're creative. You're interesting. You're lazy. You're irresponsible. You're a perfectionist. You're vain. You're generous. You're too closed off. You're fun. You're sweet. You're critical. You're naive. You're too responsible. You're cold. You're too good… A thousand and one things that contradict each other.

Who are we, then? Are we our profession? Or are we the daughter, the sister, the friend, the mother, the aunt, the grandmother? Or are we the reunification of all the parts others consider us to be? Some see the generous part of us, and others see the less generous part. And so on. So, we're a little bit of everything. Yes?

We are we after all?

Is who we are reduced to the vision others have of us? Or is the vision others have of us that is reduced? Can we fully reveal ourselves to others? Can they see us in our full dimension? Or does it depend on each person and how they see the world around them?

If we're with a friend who shares our taste in classical music, this becomes something that identifies us and defines us in their world. But if we're with a friend who shares our taste in rock, in their world, he identifies us as the friend who likes rock. Each of them has a different vision of us. Each of them reduces us to what they like and see in us, to identify us in their reality. To my parents, I'm the daughter, to my friends, I'm the friend, to my clients, I'm the coach. Each of them knows a part of me. Each of them knows a side of me. And each side expresses itself differently in each of their realities.

However, we are not just what others see of us; we are much more than that vision. Each of these people knows us in a different environment, in a different type of relationship. And this happens with everything, with all our defining characteristics. For some, we are seen as too responsible, for others as irresponsible. For some, we are wise, for others, our wisdom makes no sense. It all depends on the reality each person has constructed, according to their values, beliefs, and concepts. According to their vision of responsibility. According to their vision of wisdom.

Who are we then? Who do we choose to be? Does it depend so much on others? Or does it depend on how we feel about ourselves? Who are we regardless of how others see us? How do we see ourselves?

To know who we really are

we need to create our own space. Our inner world, where we can be with ourselves, listen to our thoughts, our feelings, our sensations, where we perceive our values, beliefs, dreams. It's in this world that we will understand what is ours and what belongs to others. And that's where we learn to reject what is not ours. Realizing that this is another person's vision of us, due to the life experiences, concepts, values, and beliefs that this other person has about life, but it's not who we are in our entirety. And this is how we get to know ourselves. Absorbing and rejecting. This is me. This is not me. This is how we choose friendships, define our tastes, how we choose to spend our time.

This can only be done well when we have this inner space. When we dedicate part of our time to being in this space. This is how we create our identity.

When we realize who we are in different situations in our lives, regardless of what others think of us, only then can we say we know ourselves. Only then can we say who we truly are.

And when this identity is created,

formed, and we realize who we came to be, the choices we make will be based on this new vision of ourselves. We will choose to surround ourselves with people who see the best in us, because only with them will we be able to be true to ourselves. They help us express the best in us. It's no coincidence that the saying "Tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are" exists. It's the environment we choose to be in that dictates who we want to be. If we choose to be surrounded by people who don't like us, it's because we also choose not to like ourselves, and consequently, we will express our worst characteristics.

Our inner sun can only shine when we surround ourselves with those who appreciate its brilliance. This is where we expand and express our best qualities. This is why it's so important to define who we want to be. Because all our good choices will be based on this vision of ourselves.